Prepare the way for "Yes"

Many of my blog posts return to the idea of saying yes, finding ways to say yes, and seeking "yes" experiences.

It is a core principle of improvisation...as improv guru Keith Johnstone says (and I paraphrase here): "Saying 'no' keeps you safe, saying 'yes' leads to adventure." Another way of putting it is that "no" keeps us in the realm of the familiar and prevents (or at least attempts to prevent) change, while "yes" invites change into the picture.

There are lots of valid reasons for big people to say no. There are safety reasons, ethical reasons, and personal value reasons. There are emotional reasons...and a subset of those is the all important group of saving one's own sanity reasons.

And there are lots of little people reasons to say "no." Because they are tired or hungry or frustrated or desiring to do it themselves or wanting to express something that is too big for the words they know....or because they are 2 or 3 (or older!) and learning the power and control of "no" it is part of that stage of development.

So as much as our little folk need to learn to use "no," we can also make sure to give them opportunities to say "yes" -- even when they are firmly grounded in the practice of "no."

Some foundations for "yes" success include...

• saying "yes" (literally). I try to remember to actually say "yes" and not always just nod or do something without acknowledging the "yes."
  

• saying "yes" with actions. When LP invites me for the 8th time to come play tinkertoys and I agree, I try to get into the game and really play...even if it is only for 5 minutes.
  

• making sure physical needs (food, water, potty, diaper change, etc) are taken care of (really hard to say "yes" when you are physically uncomfortable)

• using all the observations you have about what makes your little person (or people) tick. I realized that LP is quite willing to eat veggies while I'm chopping them and cooking and not as willing when they show up on her plate. So by I give her lots of opportunities for her to say "yes" to my desire for her to eat vegetables by saying "yes" to the eating moment that works for her.

• clear requests....while it doesn't always work, sometimes just letting LP know what I need in a straightforward way leads to a "yes."

• AND multiple opportunities. I know LP sometimes says "no" to something she really wants. I give her a little space and make the offer again. And sometimes again after that.
  

As you might imagine...a post like this can only be written in the midst of a lot of "no, no, no."


This post is part of the Moms' 30 minute blog challenge over at SteadyMom.

Singing to Potatoes by Candlelight

Tonight during dinner, I mentioned how I thought our potatoes probably wouldn't come up. The day after LP and I planted them, we had a week of torrential rain which just seems like too much water. I also fessed up that I don't really know what the growing potatoes would look like and thought I might "weed" them by accident.

LP had a plan (she almost always has a plan these days). She wanted to go out to the garden with a candle and sing to the plants.

A little dialogue brought ImprovDad and I up to speed...and we made the connection to the Frog & Toad story where Toad is worried that he scared his seeds by yelling at them to grow so he plays violin to them and reads them stories.

It would've been easy to talk about it, to story it and to maybe even play act it. LP was suggesting it but not strongly, not insisting on it. AND it was such a perfect moment to surprise LP (and ourselves) by saying "yes!" The dinner clean up could wait, so could the bath. So could every other distraction of the moment.

So after dinner, out out to the back yard we went. I held a candle and LP rode on ImprovDad's shoulders. We stood in front of our wee potato patch and made up a song "Grow potatoes, grow." There was a half moon shining through a partly cloudy sky and a few stars peeking through.

And best of all was the smile on LP's face.

This post is part of the Moms' 30 Minute Blog Challenge over at SteadyMom. Go on, click over and check out all the links.

When Someone Else Says "Yes"

My Aunt J is visiting us for a week which is fabulous in so many ways. Many of those I had expectations for (like childcare --- woohoo!!! --- so I was able to say "yes" to some freelance work this week) but the best thing I've seen is the way she notices what LP is interested in and says "yes" to it through her actions.

Like many of her cohort, LP is a nature collector. Happiness is being outside, making bouquets and collecting bits of nature - olives, flowers, grass, dandelions. And fall leaves have been her delight.

And a wonderful thing Aunt J is doing for LP, is that every morning as she walks to our place from her b&b, she picked up something special for LP...a large handful of yellow gingko leaves or a twisty branch with light green leaves or some bright red maple leaves. Such a wonderful start to their connection every morning.

Ah, yes...it is lovely to have one's little person seen by another.

Saying "Yes" to Me

This blog post is part of this week's Moms' 30-Minute Blog Challenge over at Steady Mom.

Last week, I had an important “yes” experience. One that was all about me.

I was fortunate enough to have a bodywork session with Marion Rosen; she is a phenomenal 96 year old powerhouse of a woman who created a school of bodywork, The Rosen Method, that is practiced internationally.

The actual experience was very simple. I lay on a table. She put her hands on me and occasional did some very light manipulation and made some observations and suggestions. Very direct observations and suggestions. I felt a sense of release both on the muscular level and in my psyche during the session and since then, I have felt more lively, more awake and more able to do and not just drag through the day.

One of her observations that hit home (for there were many, she is an insightful being) was that I hold back and don’t reach for what I want.

Immediately I thought of my writing and how often I have put it aside. For good reasons and for not-so-good reasons. Because of work or exhaustion or fear of not being interesting enough or just plain good-enough. I’ve put it aside because of anxiety, because of ambivalence and sometimes just because. There are all kinds of reasons that I haven’t written much these past few years (motherhood is just one of them albeit a BIG one) but I've had a nearly lifelong struggle to give myself space to live a writing life. Writing is the experience, is the place that I miss, I long for and that I don’t reach for despite that longing.

Blogging (which I started doing in late January of this year) has helped me have a little writing practice in my life. Yet to really embrace the reaching, to really say “Yes” and “YES AND” to my own creative desire, I need to dive into something whole-heartedly.

So I’m participating in National Novel Writing Month. Which is completely crazy, over my head and impossible. The goal is to write 50,000 words in the month of November. WHAT? Where is the time to write that many words ~ never mind craft the kind of story I want to create?

And I’m doing it. I’ve never really thought about writing a novel before. In my earlier writing life, I mostly wrote plays with a smattering of short stories and poetry. So this is all new, uncharted territory.

I’m saying yes to my own impossible impulse. And that feels good.

And I'm curious to see if it will refresh my saying "yes" to LP's big inspirations.

Is there something lurking in your life, waiting for you to say "YES" to let loose inspiration?

The One Activity Improv Challenge

I've been in a rut. I like to think of myself as "mama-who-embraces-messy-play" and philosophically, oh yes, I do! And....the reality of messy play is sometimes not something I want to deal with (i.e. clean up after). I've noticed that over the past month or so, I haven't been as open-to, generative or creative about finding the fun mess.

LP is oriented to tactile experiences. She's the kid painting her arms and legs and sometimes hair who can engage with clay for an hour and who is so happy when there is glue involved because she delights in that texture. She's the kid taking a mud bath and rolling in the sand. It makes us a good match...I love the idea of messy play and she's all over the reality of it.

SO here's the improv challenge for me...how can I say a bigger YES to messy play?

Over this week, I'm going to look for opportunities...maybe it will be about incorporating new materials or about finding a way to go for it even more in the getting messy. Maybe it will be about me getting more into the materials simultaneously (I have to confess I often use messy play time as a little "me-time" because LP gets so engrossed in it). I'll be finding out and after I've cleaned up, I'll post about what I learned.

AND here's the improv challenge for you: take an activity you enjoy doing with your little person and see if you can say YES to it in a new way. The activity can be art, playing ball, gardening, reading, racing toy cars...anything at all. Experiment with different ways to offer more engagement with something you both like to do.


This morning I got the ball rolling with an art project...it started with glue and paint and evolved with more paint, cornstarch and some bits of nature from the back yard:

The Stegasaurus Plant

Often LP's actions remind me how easy it can be to say "yes" to imagination. Or perhaps better said is how easy it can be to "trigger your partner's imagination" (as one of my all-time favorite improv teachers, Patti Stiles, would say)

On a very sloooooow walk home from the bus, LP stopped to inspect a plant, observing it was "spiky" and "spiny." I offhandedly said it reminded me of a stegosaurus...and boy howdy, she took that idea of plants being dinosaurs and took off with it!


Pointing to one plant after another...that one is a tyrannosaurus rex:



That one is a brontosaurus:

That one is a triceratops:


That one is a anklylosaurus...

What a pleasure it was to see her face light up and energy soar as she played with the idea of plants as dinosaurs.