Prepare the way for "Yes"
Many of my blog posts return to the idea of saying yes, finding ways to say yes, and seeking "yes" experiences.
It is a core principle of improvisation...as improv guru Keith Johnstone says (and I paraphrase here): "Saying 'no' keeps you safe, saying 'yes' leads to adventure." Another way of putting it is that "no" keeps us in the realm of the familiar and prevents (or at least attempts to prevent) change, while "yes" invites change into the picture.
There are lots of valid reasons for big people to say no. There are safety reasons, ethical reasons, and personal value reasons. There are emotional reasons...and a subset of those is the all important group of saving one's own sanity reasons.
And there are lots of little people reasons to say "no." Because they are tired or hungry or frustrated or desiring to do it themselves or wanting to express something that is too big for the words they know....or because they are 2 or 3 (or older!) and learning the power and control of "no" it is part of that stage of development.
So as much as our little folk need to learn to use "no," we can also make sure to give them opportunities to say "yes" -- even when they are firmly grounded in the practice of "no."
Some foundations for "yes" success include...
This post is part of the Moms' 30 minute blog challenge over at SteadyMom.
It is a core principle of improvisation...as improv guru Keith Johnstone says (and I paraphrase here): "Saying 'no' keeps you safe, saying 'yes' leads to adventure." Another way of putting it is that "no" keeps us in the realm of the familiar and prevents (or at least attempts to prevent) change, while "yes" invites change into the picture.
There are lots of valid reasons for big people to say no. There are safety reasons, ethical reasons, and personal value reasons. There are emotional reasons...and a subset of those is the all important group of saving one's own sanity reasons.
And there are lots of little people reasons to say "no." Because they are tired or hungry or frustrated or desiring to do it themselves or wanting to express something that is too big for the words they know....or because they are 2 or 3 (or older!) and learning the power and control of "no" it is part of that stage of development.
So as much as our little folk need to learn to use "no," we can also make sure to give them opportunities to say "yes" -- even when they are firmly grounded in the practice of "no."
Some foundations for "yes" success include...
- saying "yes" (literally). I try to remember to actually say "yes" and not always just nod or do something without acknowledging the "yes."
- saying "yes" with actions. When LP invites me for the 8th time to come play tinkertoys and I agree, I try to get into the game and really play...even if it is only for 5 minutes.
- making sure physical needs (food, water, potty, diaper change, etc) are taken care of (really hard to say "yes" when you are physically uncomfortable)
- using all the observations you have about what makes your little person (or people) tick. I realized that LP is quite willing to eat veggies while I'm chopping them and cooking and not as willing when they show up on her plate. So by I give her lots of opportunities for her to say "yes" to my desire for her to eat vegetables by saying "yes" to the eating moment that works for her.
- clear requests....while it doesn't always work, sometimes just letting LP know what I need in a straightforward way leads to a "yes."
- AND multiple opportunities. I know LP sometimes says "no" to something she really wants. I give her a little space and make the offer again. And sometimes again after that.
This post is part of the Moms' 30 minute blog challenge over at SteadyMom.
Labels: improv, improv parenting, saying yes
posted by Susan at
9:13 PM
6 Comments:
This is a great reminder, thanks! I try to remember to say YES more myself, instead of defaulting to no, but sometimes I forget to give my little ones the same opportunity and encouragement. great parenting insight!
{30 minute mom}
I am working really hard to be a "yes" person as much as possible. Thanks for this reminder!
Learning when to say no is extremely important to me right now, but equally important is learning when it's okay to say yes. These shouldn't be difficult concepts, but that's life...
Thanks Annie. I'm finding it challenging but good practice to keep it in the mind bc we are in such big NO country right now.
Thanks Kim ~ isn't it funny how much work it is????
Kelly - it has always been interesting to me to experience and observe the intersection between the improv principle of saying "yes" and the importance of women (at least in American culture) to be able to say "no" cleanly and strongly. I've had many discussions with women students over the years about this...many like me who were overly "yes" in some parts of life and struggling with how to shift and say no but still embrace other realms of "yes." Becoming a mom opened whole new arenas of needing to figure out my yes/no boundaries.
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