The Not-So-Fearless Mama

I got stuck at the top of the slide today.

That kind of thing hasn't happened to me in a looooooong time. But boy howdy, do I ever have a history of getting stuck in high places. Slides, adventure ropes courses, ladders, trees -- you name it, I've gotten myself to a height where my paralyzing fear kicks in.

This is the first time it has happened with LP.

It is a cold, overcast day, so after a lovely time at the library with my visiting Aunt J, we stopped at a deserted playground. The one with the old fashioned metal equipment including teeter-totters and my nemesis, the slide. A tall, metal, twisty slide.

That LP, of course, wanted to go down.

And I foolishly said "if you can climb up there on your own, I will go down with you."

And she did (with me climbing right after her, getting more anxious as we got farther off the ground). The girl who has never shown any interest in climbing ladders went all the way up.

And then the panic set in.

To top it off, the top part of the slide was one, big cold puddle from the rain. A cold puddle that I ended up sitting in as I struggled to not completely freeze up in panic.

I could not go down the slide. And I could not see being able to climb down the ladder with her. Stuck, stuck, stuck. Stuck and sitting in a cold puddle with a getting-fidgety LP. Aunt J was trying to help from the ground but wasn't able to come up and help.

My mind was racing and I really wanted to be able to go down the slide, to show LP about overcoming fear, about being afraid and doing it anyway. Those are life lessons I believe in and want to share actively. One of the many things I've loved about learning to improvise, is that I am less fearful as a person. I've learned how to embrace risk-taking of all kinds. Risk-taking on stage has led to risk-taking in life. Over my years of improvising, I've actively worked on many of my fears, including heights (really, I used to get panicky just standing on a chair and joke that it was a good thing I wasn't taller because I'd be scared).

So sitting there, miserable, cold and afraid with my daughter, I tried to muster some improv juju to help me get down.

Nothing.

In the midst of it I started to realize that I would never ask LP to take on something she was so scared of in such a big chunk. I would help her break it down. And for me to succeed at taking her down this slide, I needed to do it in smaller chunks, like going down without her first (which was not really an option in the moment, but still a helpful realization).

So I took a deep breath and focused on the streets outside the playground and after a few attempts, caught the attention of two nurses walking out of the hospital across the way. I called out that I was stuck and couldn't get down with my daughter and one of them was up the ladder to us so fast, it was amazing. She climbed down with LP and then helped talk me down the ladder as I thanked her again and again.

LP, Aunt J and I walked home fast as possible because it was cold in my very wet pants. I was feeling badly about LP seeing me fail at this (and not keep true to my word).

Yet another improv lesson is "fail gloriously" and it is so true that failure is often where the learning is at....so LP will get to see me fail and try again AND try again with the support I need to succeed.

For the interim, I'm sending her to that park with ImprovDad over the weekend for a fear-free slide experience.


Today's post is a part of the Moms' 30-minute blog challenge over at SteadyMom. Click on over to see what other moms are blogging about and wish Jamie a happy blogoversary!