Make your partner look good, Part II

So a combination of insomnia (mine) and teething (LP's) have made for a fair amount of time in the middle of the night to contemplate all kinds of things. When I wasn't worrying about the usual (money, potential childcare, returning to work, well what work would I return to? what do I want to do?..and so on), I have been thinking on other applications of the "make your partner look good" principle.

Cort (husband & partner in things improv & parenting) and I have always used the language of improvisation as a way to communicate about things in our relationship. Having a shared vocabulary (and one that is not overly laden with serious emotions or too much pop-psychology blah blah) has been very useful. Sometimes just a simple request to be said "yes" to more can shift a rocky relational terrain. We have definitely used the "make your partner look good" especially if one of us is feeling pressure to perform in a situation. (I confess to also using it in reverse which is me saying that I just don't have it in me to say "yes" right now...or to put out that positive energy." Still the common vocabulary is useful.)

My main musing has been about bringing this mantra into the world of connecting with other parents. This topic is very alive in the parenting blogosphere right now (momversations has a segment on it, among others)-- there must be something in the air. I had been assuming that the slow-mo making of new mom friends (or dad friends) here was due to my shyness/social anxiety added to other folks on the playground & other places being more established, knowing each other already, etc.

I realized that I often get a touch (or more) of self-consciousness when parenting in public around folks I'd like to get to know. Sometimes way more than a touch. AND if I'm totally honest, I often came home with at least one judgemental thought about someone else's parenting (or nannying). Having even that one (okay, sometimes waaay more than one), thought, of course, made me feel even more vulnerable to my own projections of how someone might critique my parenting or think of my less-than-my-ideals moments of reacting to LP.

But what if I went into situations with a "make your partner look good" mindset -- where my "partner" is any other parent/caregiver.

It doesn't have to be a showy or even obvious in interactions, but if my intention is to be positive not only toward their children but to them and their choices of the moment (except in extreme circumstances!), will that change the quality of interactions I'm experiencing?

I don't know exactly what this is going to look like; I'm going to keep exploring this line of thought and see what happens just having it on my mental "back burner" as LP and I move through the world.